That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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