The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
