i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
