I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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