remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
