I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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