youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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