I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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