I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
