He disabled his match.com account in front of me
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
