I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
