my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
MIDGETS
????
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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