I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
