Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
