I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
