haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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