she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
