Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
