Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
