I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
