fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
