I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My vagina just clenched in fear
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
