just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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