just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
