Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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