Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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