He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
420 ftw
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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