I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
