That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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