so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
