cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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