im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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