So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
