i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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