i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
