we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
