He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
