I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
