In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
