I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
