and you said cock pushups were impossible
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
