It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
