Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
