im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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