When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
