I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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