My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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