We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
