You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
