Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
